So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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