this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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