i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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