I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
