is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
