Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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