Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
