We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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