i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
