It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
