where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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