he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
