he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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