franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
