wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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