I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
