You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
