Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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