Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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