Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
