I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
