When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
