My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
