We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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