There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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