I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
