So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just invented taco cereal.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
