Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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