That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
