Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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