hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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