I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
