Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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