thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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