She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
