he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
