I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
