I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
