Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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