i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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