Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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