Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
