It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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