i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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