Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
