Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
