I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
