So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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