Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
