He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
