You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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