apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
