Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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