Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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