His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
