Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
