Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
