I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
