My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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