drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
