i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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