I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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