If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
