This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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