walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize