Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
