the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
