Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Found your dick twin last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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