If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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